As cynical as I am, I actually really enjoy Valentines Day. Not the whole hearts and candy thing, but any excuse to spend time with friends and family loved ones is okay in my books... Also, the post holiday lingerie sales are prettttty great. This day has ever been awful to me in the past, but there is something about dealing with all of this 2014 Valentines Day hoopla that is driving me absolutely fucking crazy. The biggest reason being that the idea of being alone (before, during and after V-Day) seems to be this strange and unfamiliar concept to the people around me. The other day I had a friends mom tell me that I should be putting myself out their for potential husbands because, and I quote "You're not getting any younger for Christ sake, why wait!" Uhh, think thats bad? When a coworker asked what I was doing next Friday, I responded with “drinking 3 bottles of wine in my most comfy lingerie” because, duh I do that shit every Friday, and she hit me with a “OHHH… That's, niceee? I guess...” Lastly, one of my closest guy friends blindsided me with this one... “When are you going to get out there and, you know, meet someone new already? It's been a while...” What the fuck? How about none of the above... Since when has wanting to be by yourself become so blasphemous?
I'm so very tired of trying to explain myself when there isn't any need for explanation. I just want to be alone, what's the problem? Now, I know what you're all thinking. "Franceta, these sound like some deep rooted emotional issues that you should be dealing with…” but no fuck you because I don't have any goddamn issu... Okay wait, I do have issues, we all have issues, what I'm trying to say is isn't anything wrong with me. I'm not afraid of commitment, nor do I think I’m "too good" for anyone, and I definitely don’t think there’s “no one out there for me.” I just... Don’t want to be in a relationship, I don't know... Is it so strange for a woman of 22 to not want any part in a serious relationship?

Having just figured out how to manage my course load this semester, dipping my toes into the shallow end of freelancing and trying, but failing, to maintain this blog of mine is already exceptionally overwhelming. The thought of pouring time, energy, and emotion into building and maintaining a romantic relationship with anything other than food seems, well... Tedious and extremely time consuming, and not in the good and satisfying way like cleaning out your closet or organizing your iTunes library.

In my ~*SuPeR LoNg & TrYiNg 22 YeArS oF LiFe LeSsOnS*~ I've realized that people sometimes seek the comfort of relationships because they feel lonely and can't bare to be alone with their own thoughts, and to that I say "COOL BRAH, that is more then 100% okay dude, do you, everyone deals with shit in their own ways..." but I cannot say I've ever really understood this mentality. Why search for inner peace, in the form of another person? If you're unhappy or feeling unfulfilled, do some soul searching to find out whats missing and I can almost guarantee you that what you're looking for, is not going to be another person. You don't just add someone to the unhappiness in hopes that it will get better. You can't fuck up a soup recipe and then just add a hand full of salt; The pot is still filled with that really shitty soup, now it's just extra salty, you feel me people? Jah feel? Okay, so maybe you don't feel me, no Jah feel, but hear me out…

Being alone has never really bothered me much because I've always been somewhat of a selfish person. I am just now becoming comfortable with who I am. Truly accepting of my physical appearance, the very vessel that encases my huge personality. I'm embracing the waterfall of fucked up thoughts that pour out of my brain and into my mouth, (and conveniently enough for you, onto Twitter!) on an hourly basis. I enjoy being alone because I am enough for myself at this moment. Walking around my apartment in almost nothing and not having to be bothered by a single soul, is really nice! Don't you enjoy the silence that surrounds you after a long day of putting up with bullshit? I know I do. I especially love not having to share my bed OR my food with anyone but Sam. ( This is Sam my pup FIY ) Finding a person to spend time with is just not on my mind right now and I should not feel guilty or pressured because I feel this way. More importantly, feeling this way does not mean that I'm closed off to the idea of ever meeting someone and settling down. Who knows, maybe these feelings will change or maybe they won’t, but right now I feel that there are a million other things I'd like to focus on and enjoy that having a serious relationship would detract from.

You know what I'd love? I'd love to finish college with at least a 3.7+ GPA. Develop and perfect my skills in both fashion and graphic design. Maybe find a career that will provide me with both happiness and excitement on a regular basis. I want to start a retirement fund so I can like, actually retire in this world where that seems to be such a long stretch. I'd love to take my mother to Paris, show her a world she never had the chance to see... Shit, show myself the world I haven't had the chance to see! Take us both on an endless shopping spree until our feet bleed. I want to furnish an all white loft in all black suede, organza, wood fur and wool, because it would look fucking fantasticccc. I want to take professional nudes... Not like these, but really fuckin' classy ones, you know? I want to bond with people who are passionate about things that I am passionate about. I want to move around the world, live my life care free and exactly how I'd like it to be. You see, I've got this massive list of things that are far more interesting and important to me than dating some cute but very, very misguided boy my age, and guess what? There is nothing wrong with me for wanting to live life, alone.

I guess for some, the meaning of life, the universe, and everything, is love. They want someone to share these things with and I can respect that. For me, I think my meaning might be personal satisfaction. Being happy with myself, wholeheartedly. Being able to look at myself and be 100% content with the person looking back at me before allowing someone to become a part of who I am. I want to enter a relationship knowing and remaining who I am, not searching for myself and revising my morals so that I don't end up alone. I want a relationship when I want the relationship, not when everyone else is telling me to engage in one and defiantly not because Valentines Day encourages the thought. I'm not where I want to be yet, so until the moment presents itself, I will thoroughly enjoy every single moment, of being alone.

Photos by Taylor Curtis - These photos were not Photoshopped in any way.